Sadly, I am writing well past my bed time, yet again. That said, I am handling things decently. Over the last few years, I have struggled mightily when I have gone back to work after longer breaks. Regularly, my expectations are far too high. Needless to say, I worried that returning to school after not only a break, but also a medication holiday, would turn me inside out. Instead, I managed to lower my goals for the week, and I cut myself a break, knowing that my transition back never goes well.
I certainly have battled my anxiety since school restarted on January 4, but I have been far kinder to myself. I still have far too many papers to correct, but I have greatly minimized my self-abuse. While I know I need to get those done – soon – I am also doing a much better job of remaining focused on each moment of each day. Rather than torturing myself for not finishing my correcting, I am at peace that I have done a good job of developing new curricular pieces and being prepared for my daily work. Even more importantly, I have done a good job of helping my wife and daughter within our home. I take great pride in taking another step down the path of learning how to manage my narcolepsy. Invariably, I will spiral out of control numerous times as I continue this journey, but I will cling to the knowledge that I have plenty of day that are wonderful because I can embrace the chaos that narcolepsy brings without losing my mind.
I definitely need to continue improving my kindness to myself. I remain too quick in my self-deprecation. Beyond that, I must establish a routine of exercise and yoga. My increasing waist line demands that, but more importantly my psyche needs the peace that yoga and exercise bring to me. My short term goal for this week is to take the first step by doing one or the other before Sunday, January 17. It helps that I will have Monday, January 18, as a recovery day (since exercise tends to drain me completely of late). Nonetheless, as hard as things are and as rotten as I feel, my hope is high and my outlook good.
Rooting for you. Always, you have my sympathy for anxiety. And way to anticipate your difficulties. I always thought that made it easier to deal with.
You are a sweetheart. Thanks for the kind words. I have survived the week, which is good. Likely, I will post a bit about the ups and downs of the past few days. I hope all is well for you.