I fully realize that the eastern seaboard of the United States has received more snow than the Midwest (at least this year), but I must declare that winter in Minnesota is awful. We are in the midst of yet another snow storm, and my driveway is full of snow. Unfortunately, our snow blower is on its last legs, and my wife and I are both exhausted. Even worse, my city is not declaring a snow emergency until tomorrow night. That might not be too bad if most of the side streets were relatively clear before this snow began last night, but the reality is that our side streets are still a disaster from the ridiculous ice and snow that fell in December (not to mention the multiple inches and melting/refreezing that took place in January). Thus, I will likely attempt to snow blow my driveway between 5 and 6 AM tomorrow. It will take an hour and wipe me out for the day. Then, I will need to get ready for my school day and battle the side streets all the way to my job. I have had one other day this winter when I did basically the same thing, but without any teaching. Between my narcolepsy and my exhaustion, the last dance with my snow blower and messy streets needed two to three days for recovery. I can only imagine how a full day of teaching will add to the fun that awaits me tomorrow.
The reality of winter’s impact on me, though, goes well beyond a two and a half day snow fall. Amid the snow and slush, the lack of daylight, and the frigid temperatures, I actually think the biggest issue is an instinctual impulse to hibernate. Like most higher order mammals in colder climates, humans must have a hibernation instinct. If we did not, how could we have survived before the development of heating systems and insulated homes. Perhaps most people can shake off the added urge to sleep, but as a PWN I find it insane that my brain and body can do even more to make me feel like I should sleep. I will push through tomorrow and the doldrums of February, but it will not be easy. I keep hoping that living with narcolepsy will get easier, but more and more I recognize that such thoughts are sheer fantasy. I continue to learn how to accept the ups and downs of my daily life, but tolerance is not ease. Not by a long shot.
Nonetheless, we are slowly gaining more light. And, eventually all of this snow will melt (hopefully sometime in late April or May). I will continue to work on mindfulness – being present in the here and now. That has served me well, even as I have struggled with my energy this year. More and more, I am able to let go of what might have been and of what might come. Instead, I ride the ebb and flow of each moment and each event. Being a Type A planner, that is neither easy, nor comforting, yet it is the right course of action. More than anything else I have done, mindfulness allows me to stay sane in the midst of the madness of narcolepsy. Of course, mindfulness is more fun when temperatures are not below the freezing point of water and when precipitation does not accumulate in white, fluffy inches.